Johannes Punkt's Flaskpost

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they will be wrong of course

you wake up in the absence of moonlight to a shocking realization related to the way you’re going to die soon, any day any year now. you know perfectly well that you’re going to die but there’s a bitter taste on your fat tongue and a six-legged chill crawling its way up your spine: there are people out there with ideas about who you are, who you really really are deep down underneath the personality and the skin and the bone. that and nothing else will be what is left of you: strangers’ hastily formed impressions of an insignificant person.

Not Even You

Nobody sleeps with the first one they kiss, it’s a rule. It’s either too early or too late. Your first kiss never leads to your first lay, if only for the fact that they are not the same person anymore by the time you reach the part where you unzip your denim jeans and wiggle out of your clothes. And you can see it in their eyes then as they look at you with that questioning look because they don’t want to outright ask. Afterward, in all likelihood, they return to the same person they were before, and they leave.

Shipwreck

I feel like a shipwreck. I sank like a stone. The finest masonry this side of the ocean I tried to cross did not help, but I got exactly halfway before anything happened. Cracks spiderwebbing all over my hull and you will never pull me up in one piece. You can salvage the fine china. I can feel your wires and divers attach magnets and hooks but if you move me, I will fall apart like a slow-motion fireworks display. The waves are doing their part, the corals theirs. Perhaps one day I will bloom with them but for now …

Doing Much Better Now, Thanks

He stared at his cupcake, its soft artificial pink was much softer than the artificial pink of her skin, which he had once loved.

Sometimes he looked at art. Cubism. Braque, not because it didn’t remind him of her – it didn’t – but because it was good. Braque knew his cubes.

Like, should he stalk her to find out what café she dines at just to avoid it himself? That seemed counter-intuitive.

He had even discarded all the tapes, not because he had memorized them all, but because he needed space for his new record collection.

He was just that cured.

Douglas

But that was their choice, their hearts, not his. They had made him lonely and he had made himself almost lonely. That was okay. The thing about Douglas, Douglas knew, was that he had always been a fanatic. Not always of the same ideas, and often about the wrong person, but the fire burned within him strongly like a star’s heart. There weren’t too many people who could handle that, but he had recently made acquaintance with someone who could, someone who could put it to great use. Douglas needed to be used, so that he could stop feeling useless.

The Great Semantic Shift

Originally written for International Gaslighting Festival, I decided this thing was better than that, and so here you have it.

The Great Semantic Shift

This is a story about the English language, and an account of one of the most extensive upheavals in English semantics over the last 1,000 years. Before I go into it, however, I must inform you of the peculiar etymology of a not uncommon word, and I must also make you familiar with the linguistic term that is Great Shifts. I shall also regale you with druids! If you will just bear with me for a moment, I promise all the tangents will be worth it.

It begins in Ancient Greece, where the word σαρκασμός originated, from the root of σάρξ – flesh. Literally, σαρκασμός meant the rending of flesh from bone. In English today it is called sarcasm, an advanced form of mockery that requires the listener to understand several levels of language use at once, not unlike puns. It is often one of the first things to go in dementia, the ability to know both the meaning of the words said and the intended meaning that lies underneath them. Speakers of English as a second language can have trouble identifying sarcasm even if they are perfectly good at it in their mother tongue. This is mentioned to instill the idea that the understanding of sarcasm is fickle at best.

(If we are curious, we can find other words related to σάρξ in modern day English, such as sarcophagus – ancient Egyptian coffins, literally ‘flesh-eater’, and sarcumic – ‘who fucks flesh’, a Puritan insult.) Read the rest of this entry »

Woolen Socks

The patient looked at once eighty years old and eighty minutes. Covered in red slime, eyes sunk so far into her skull that she could not see, and a lack of hair. She breathed in short bursts and then held her breath. When she opened her mouth and accidentally swallowed the water, it was obvious she had no teeth. Little fingers grew from the stumps that were her shoulders.

Keys rattled. Woolen socks, plain white shoes stepped in. A man in a labcoat picked the patient up and rattled her until she coughed up the water.

The man walked away.

Aching for You to Eclose

You were a nervous kid in winter; not anymore. You have wrapped yourself in so many layers of protective silk that you can’t breathe. You won’t let me in, you won’t let anything out. You think your heart is a cocoon, but you failed biology quite catastrophically and one day your chest will hatch. A million moths will escape you and as long as their wings beat your blood will pump, sure, but the moths belong to everyone who was ever nice to you. Every time someone dies, your pulse will slow. And I am waiting for spring to come.

In Case of Organ Failure

Beginning to suspect that Dr. Donum’s insistence on cloning specifically herself hints at a deeper problem in her psyche. I am withdrawing my previous conclusion that it is yet another sign of control issues. I saw blueprints on her desk. Next week I will attempt to surreptitiously get a closer look. It should also be noted that in case of organ failure, a clone of her would be ideal to pick organs from.

I exchanged the samples, of course. We are in fact cloning me now, to keep that woman’s trickery at bay. Besides, I deserve it more than her.

The Microwave Problem

The microwave oven engineers made a box that only worked when closed. It was too small for a child, and yet puppies had the occasional misfortune of being cooked.

This problem was posed long before the teleportation device was realised. Supposedly it was something the engineers of the microwave oven had faced: how to make people avoid putting their body parts or children inside the machine, as it is obviously unsafe for them? The device needed free air, so they had to run a current through it to discourage body parts. Yet, puppies had the occasional misfortune of being cooked.

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