Helpful Aphorisms for Your Everyday Life

The millipede that tries the hardest still has fewer than a thousand legs.

The obscenity of the nipple is in the mind of the perceiver perceiving the body as a certain gender or not, as it were.

You can’t raise healthy swine on the South-Pacific Garbage Patch.

Don’t mistake Britishness for politeness.

Big speeches can be given from small balconies.

Oncce divorced because you invented a horrifying clone machine to keep her in relatively perpetual youth, twice bride.

Bones heal, but phone screens stay broken.

Don’t ruin good food with your penis.

The future is written by the weird LARPers.