An Amicable Alternative to Divorce
I have redefined you to exclude the bits of you that I dislike. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the only way to save us. I figure fair is fair, so I have divided your stuff up, 70/30, so that you can keep at least a third of your stuff. It is okay because you will have me. I have sent the other parts of you home to your family. I paid for the plane ticket myself. They said they would pay me back but I know better by now, don’t I? That’s why I sent them away.